your flaws are uncountless [Sun 29] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Bloodhound Gang ] Gosh my body clocks been all out of sinc recently. It feels great to be getting back into a routine with working, but it means my sleeps all fucked up and shit, which is awful. Ive spent the past week being the most miserable moody sod. But last night was lovely, Matt came round and we had a few joints. It was so great to see him, lucky aswell seeing as hes in the middle of a tour and never seems to be around at all. But that was ace. The grass made sure i had a good nights sleep, and i feel alot better this morning. My dads taking me shopping this afternoon for some nice shooooes to wear tonight. Then its party time baby. :) I just cant wait to get paid next friday xxxxxxxxxxxxx %

why is everything so confusing? [Fri 29] [ mood | blank ] [ music | avril lavigne ] damage yourself says: you sit in the fucking dark, complaining that youre miserable, saying that youre not looking for sympathy but really that is all that you want. you want people to see you as this damged little thing that needs all the attenion. open your fucking eyes alice, the world doesnt revolve around you. damage yourself says: you know you need to open you eyes. you come accross as someone whos really on the ball and who knows the score, you seem really clued up on shit, but really youre not better than people like meghan. youre dumb as fuck, especialy when it comes to haveing fucking social skills. you act like an inbred. damage yourself says: y'know, you were so much more fun when i met you before xmas. maybe your ex is right, maybe youve just gone off the rails and you cant make it stop so youre just accepted youre fate and youre TRYING to destory yourself. damage yourself says: no wonder people take it back when they say they love you. youre a total fucking fake. drive the vultures home: thats it, youre never getting your pumpkins cds back now. damage yourself says: thats right, laugh it off like you always do. hey, maybe you can tell your shrink this story you fucking head case. thatll make for a great session. damage yourself says: and the other day when you went off on one at meghan, wtf was that all about? drive the vultures home says: she was bullying that girl! she needed shutting up. im the only person who doesnt give enough of a fuck to say something to her. damage yourself says: thats right alice, you dont give a fuck about anyone, just yourself. no, infact not even yourself. how can you act so proud whn you make such an ass of yourself? oh i forget, youre god arent you. shit. shit shit shit.is this really how people see me? !%

Mad World [Fri 29] [ mood | content ] [ music | Hollyoaks ] This weekend has made me so happy. This entire week ive just been wrecking my head with exams work and what not. And i thought with being broke i was gonna have such a naff weekend. ambbm to the rescue <3 Went round and chilled out at the mannor friday night, hung out with Tom, Dave, Ben and Chris. Got reeeaallly stoned and got a great nights sleep, first one ive had in weeks. Then Saturday i went home and cleaned up cuz i was feeling dead good. Then grabbed a bottle of wine from my fridge and me and Chris got a bit waaasted and had a nap, sleeping in the afternoon is sooo good. Woke up and blatted about a bit more. Then Gazz, Lau and Mel and Dom came round, it was well good. Had some joints and some more wine. It was so chilled out. Then we headed to cockpit! woooo. I havent been in absoluetly aaages so it was great. Danced loads and caught up with fit Holly from topshop. Got hit on by this massivly grose loser who i used to work with, that was pretty rank. Lau was kissing eeeeveryone, haha, and everyone just seemed really happy. Then me and Dom left and got pizza and watched wife swap. I had a really great night. But yeah, youve got no idea how much this weekend has cheered me up. This week will get mental again like, ive got so much prep work todo, and at some point im supposed to be going for this trial at Oracle. But its alright, i get to get twatted with Melanie on Thursday night and spend Friday watching That 70's show with choclate and other high calorie foods. Woop. :) !%

walls are being built [Wed 25] [ mood | awake ] [ music | 30 seconds to mars ] i was so pissed offwhen i was sat here this morning at 3 am, eady for bed, then realizing id lost an hour by not putting my clock back. soz3hourssleeponacollegenight. im starting to feel good about life again right now. the past week or so has just been fucking mental. its all a blue of plice officers, social workers etc etc. and now ive decided im just going to leave it, my family are being assholes. i knowim right about all this,and they wont listen to me, so they can fuck up their own lives and leave me to mine. speaking of which, is going alright. im missing the ambbm something chronic, but i guess i had to kinda get away to find myself. which im doing and its fun. ive learnt alot about myself over the past 3 weeks. ive also learnt alot about life, and getting to know people, and learning how to read them. i was thinking the other day about all the amazing people ive met over the past 3 or so years, and its ace, i hope i carry on that way, building up a catalogue of all these wicked people and experiences. right now i dont have that many people coming in and out, i see alot of dom and chris, danny too, all of whom i love very very much. theyre very good to me <3 but like said, im missing dave, tom, lottie, dave especialy. hopefully soon things will balance out and ill see equal ammounts of people. im missing my ladies too, carly, mel, hannah <3 to be fair i havent really been upto much. driinking, partying, college, im still looking for a job. im starting to get a bit more work done too which is good. thank god the holidays are coming uptho <3 aha, as for my love life, i think im finally starting to realize what i want, and how im going to go about it. it used to peoper stress me really bad, cuz everything is always so complicated in leeds with everyone knowing/sleeping with eachother. but its alright, things are sorting out. but i love being single. i love life. just looking out for number 1. the way it should be nucca. lifes good. love you all. !%

papertrail [Mon 23] [ mood | angry ] [ music | blood brothers ] so im on a bit of a downer right now. i went to the hospital this morning and theyre refusing to treat me. they say im too emotionaly unstable for CBT and too you and unstable for drugs. fuckshitwank. :'( %

everythings worse [Tue 20] [ mood | creative ] [ music | jawbreaker ] i had an aaace weekend ans that. i cant even remember what i did friday, rpobably dossed at the mannor, and then saturday i decided to do nothing, which was good cuz i felt like shiiiit. but i got my tatt finished! check out my myspace for pictures. its lovly, thank you gareth! it bloody hurt this tim though, ouch. anyway, saturday i went to wendyhouse with hannah and carl-e. its good times in there man, i had a wicked night. then i toddles off to the staion to meet my gypsys. went home, slept. todays been horrific though,evryones been in foul moods, and to make things worse weve done nothing, weve just dosses all day, and everyones been dry so we werent even stoned. crazy times. so im about to go to bed and get sleep before embarking on my mess of a life tomorow. got stuff to sort out big time i guess. eeek. i complain about my life, but i have some proper intense times. <3 &also, read a book called violet, it will change your life. %

♥ [Sun 18] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | qotsa ] When you say it's dead & gone I know you're wrong Cut & slash, sharpest knife It won't die Poison cup, drank it up It won't die No fire, no gun, no rope, no stone It won't die Why you gotta shove it in my face As if you put me in my place Cause I DON'T CARE If you or me is wrong or right Ain't gonna spend another night, In your bed... Laws of man, are just pretend They ain't mine Love so good, love so bad It won't die Some talk too long, they know it all I just smile & move on Words ain't free, like you & me I d'ont mind... Why'd you have to be so mean & cruel, The dogs are loose i'm on to you You ball & ... Chained together from the dawn to dusk, Can't call it leavin, cause it's just I never came.... !%

every midnight we sit at the coffee table [Thu 15] [ mood | bored ] [ music | sage francis ] so im sat in some lesson where theyre teaching me how to use a program i learnt how to use two years ago. seriously man, wasting my time. i got in last night and just slept, from about 7.45 till 7.30 this morning. i feel really good for it, but my body is still feeling naff. i had a really good weekend actuall though. friday night was petty much just chiling at the mannor as usual, saw and co came round, and liam shwed up too, which was cool but by that time i was pretty much too blatted to walk. its killing my slowly, i mean, i feel shit when im not high, but i do love weed. its great for just letting go. saturday night went to cockpit for the first time in a few week, and it was alright, im just not really into drinking anymore, it give me hangovers and i cant be accounted for when im drunk. id much rather smoke . after cockpit went back to daves, had a little ance. i love falling in love with bands all over again, queens of the stoneage are what lifes all about right now. infact, while this fanny behind me rants away in how to clip pictures, im gonna check out flights and stuff, we peoper need to get this weekend away sorted, i need something to look forward to! ARGH, im so bored. and im sick of the internet, its fucking wank. HA, as if i can get ito porno tube from college. love it. serously man, i need to start loving life again. lets start loving life and ignoring dickheads that make people feel shit and to crappy things. theres so much to do and so little time. life begins today! anyway, i guess i should go do some work maybe? hmm, ill think about it. peace out and ♥♥&hearts. !%

theres beauty in breakdown [Tue 6] [ mood | confused ] [ music | frou frou - let go ] soo, long time ey? ill try not to drag it on for too long. my 'festive period' turned out ok i guess. i had a proper shit weekend before xmas, so that was a great way to kick of christmas, but i went round to mels xmas eve and had a bottle of champers and watched rocky horror. it was good. i like feeling shit yet comfortable at the same time. my mom made it quite clear xmas day that she really didnt want me in her life all that much, she didnt get me a card or preasent or anything, soo, i guess i should take it as a sigh when she tell me not to bother going to visit her? guess so. i ended up spending xmas day with the people i love anyway!seriously man, the back end of 06 felt like shit for me, you tom, hoolie, dave, danny, lottie and mel have been like a second family, you knowx it mother hen! and the weekend in between xmas and new year, well, here what happened. i worked bocing day at topshop and the managers fucked me off so much that i called in sick the rest of the week, just to piss them off. and i was mianly stoned that week if im honest, but its ok, because i was exceedingly miserable otherwise. new year came and i spent new years eve getting my first ink! many thanks to gaz, it seems to be healing well, im well chuffed. ill post some pics when i get round to uploading my cam and stuff. then new years eve ended up heading off to dewsbury with hoolie dave and danny, and ended up having an alright night. it was full of knobheads like, but after a few joints and stuff it was alright. extream ben, wtf? im gonna kick that guys head in. but yeah, good times were had all round. as for now? well, im getting more paranoid about my weight by the day,and have taken to drinking abouta weeks supply of orange juice a day. im looking tired, probably because i am, and my breathing is horrendous. im despressingly single. but, i do have an ace dad, amazing friends, im at a great college and i have an income i suppose. thats alot to be thankful for. but im more miserable than ever, i dont know why, i just am. now after polluting my body solidly for abou 3 weeks, ive decided that 2007s making changes: no more cigarettes (this will have to be starting today...i suck) drink less, it only makes me ill and moodys and i well kick off. smoke a little less weed. no more of the week night sessions, maybe a sneaky lunch time, if anyones in town between 12-1 this week text me :P so only really smoking on weekends. make the effort to go out out at least 1 night per week. maybe ill starting getting more confident and social? i dont think so, but i guess its worth a shot. focus on college work more (duh.) save some money and go on holiday! yes yes and yes. deffinitly go away this year. get some help, find a fucking shrink or something. appreciate my friends more! deffo, maybe try and makes some ammend, well see how much of a dichead i turn out. broaden my music library, im so bored of my music right now. get back some organizeation in my life, i had it before, i should be able to sort it again. boob job. just take every day as it comes. ive learnt theres no use in me planning anyting really, because hardly anything turns out as it should do, or as we planned. lighten up, be the person i was a couple of years ago when i was relativly more relaxed and excited about life. realize im better than my enemies, and i can rise above this shit. wish me luck guys! most of this is hardly realistic i know. but im going to give it my best shot starting in the morning. i had a blast in 2006, thank you for everyone who shared it with me! it was on of the craziest most intense years, so much happened, and i dont regret a second of it...well.. maybe a few :P but nah, last year was amazing thinking back. it had some real low points, and im sure there loads to come this year, but well all be ok. we will! hope youreall doing well and stuff, and happy 2007! %

personal journals [Wed 3] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | sage francis ] friends only. %

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